$40 · Yeamon Portable Cordless Heating Pad

Introducing the Yeamon Portable Cordless Heating Pad! Because apparently, my wife thinks our home needs another piece of unused gadgetry. Designed for those rare moments when my wife decides she doesn't need relief from her "waist and abdomen pains" or her "menstrual pain" because apparently, suffering builds character. But hey, it's not just any old heating pad. No, it's a technological marvel! With its USB charging feature, it's like I'm living in a sci-fi movie. And don't even get me started on the automatic shutoff—because apparently, falling asleep with a heating pad on is a mortal sin now. And let's not forget the ergonomic design! Because God forbid my wife's discomfort be met with anything less than the softest, most luxurious heating pad surface imaginable. And the adjustable waistband? Well, that's just a stroke of genius, isn't it? So go ahead, use it while you're at work, driving, or on a desert island—just don't expect me to understand why we're adding yet another unused item to our ever-growing collection of "things my wife insisted we needed."